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My Husband, My Hero.

17 May

Today is the day. Our journey as a “law school family” is done, in just a couple of hours. As we speak, my hero, my husband, is sitting in a room with all sorts of other people, taking his last and final exam in law school.

He has sacrificed. He has endured. He has achieved. He has accomplished his goals.

Together, we have made it happen, and happen well, and it’s finally over.

I’m sure it’s easy to wonder why it’s such a big deal, and why I act like an excited puppy about finishing “grad school” but anyone who’s been through law school as a particular form of grad school, knows just how intense is. In law school, your grades and your efforts directly affect your earning potential and ability to create the future you want to have. There are an abundance of lawyers in Los Angeles, and not an abundance of decent jobs.

Before we started the journey, I had a co-worker who’s fiance had just finished law school. She was telling us about how he had $250,000 in school debt and was getting offers at companies who wanted to pay him less than $50K/year. She was stressed out, because they were planning a wedding and didn’t know how they were going to pay for it. In some parts of the country, $50K would be a decent living, but when you have a quarter million in school debt alone, and live in Los Angeles, it’s impossible. Now, I understand that though he finished school, and passed the Bar, his ability to get a good job, were probably limited by factors I understand now, grades being one of them.

We heavily processed this when we went into this new world, making a decision that we were going to have to give everything over to the process and let the process give us everything back. It worked. Our plan to sacrifice everything to make these 4 years of school turn into a successful 40 years ahead of us, worked.

My husband is in the top of his class. He’s worked tirelessly to make sure that the debt we’ve accrued will have a plan for attainable pay off, and that our family will be able to have a stable future.

Through all of it, he’s balanced the act of being top of his class, with being a loving father and husband. We have all sacrificed, but he’s worked double time to make sure that the kids, while they don’t see him for days at a time sometimes, know that their daddy loves them. The days we have been able to spend together have been the best days. He started this journey with one infant son, and is ending it with 2 small children; A 4 year old who only knows what it’s like to have a daddy, with books and a full backpack as his best friends, and an almost 2 year old who wakes up early in the morning, every morning, looking for the 20 minutes he gets to see his dad. Sometimes, he is there in the morning, and sometimes, he would have already left an hour before even the early riser would wake up.

This has been the hardest experience of my life, and I can’t believe it’s over.

 

My dear sweet husband, I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe it’s over.

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Right This Minute

12 May

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Right this minute, I’m waiting for the phone to ring.

This has been the longest, most all-encompassing, and genuinely challenging year of my life (or at least of my married life), as my husband has fully switched over from musician to law student. While my son has made it the most rewarding, and my husband’s grades have made it promising, it’s still been a hard year. Not gonna lie.

I’m waiting for the phone to ring, with an exhausted and overwhelmed husband on the other end of the line, letting me know that it’s over (until the fall anyway, and minus the one tiny little class he’s taking over the summer – which is only one night a week).

Tonight, I get my husband back and my son gets his daddy.

Over the last year, we’ve struggled endlessly to make it through in-tact, and to get to the point when we could take a break. Back in December, we expected that break to come, but not even 12 hours after his last fall semester final, we were in a house inspection, with an insurance agent telling us we had to move out of our home right away, albeit temporary. That “temporary move” left us in a hotel for 8 whole weeks. Did I mention we have a baby that goes to bed at 7 and we were all in one room, or that it happened 6 days before our son’s first Christmas? That was anything but the break we wanted (and desperately needed) and we went into the 2nd semester with all of the exhaustion we left the first with, and more. It was a challenge to keep a happy face, and once that second semester started, it was back to the races. But this time, he never came home to study, because he couldn’t. When a single hotel room with a sleeping baby is “home” and your husband is in law school, you just say “Goodbye, baby! See ya in summer!” and now???? SUMMER IS HERE!!!!!!!!!

It’s nothing drastic that we/I want though. I’m most looking forward to just being able to sit on our couch, or front porch, with a glass of wine or a beer and just sit with him, you know… talk. Relax. I’m looking forward to our baby not having to say goodnight to him in the picture of our family on the wall, or via FaceTime, but to his daddy in person. I’m excited about coming home from work to find daddy and son playing and rough-housing around. I’m excited to make dinner after work for my family, and actually get to sit down together and eat it. There’s nothing crazy about what I want. I’m not looking for luxury here. I’m just looking for a moment in time, where it’s just us, and time, and more us.

You see, in our 8+ years, we’ve never had this. For the first 6 years, we had band practice 4-5 nights a week, and tours, and recording sessions, and something that always kept our evenings occupied. When we got married, I lived in a different state for one and a half years… so that wasn’t conducive to spending time together, except for the weekend visits once a month or so. Then we had a baby, and as I was healing up, we were learning how to parent exist as a new family, while completely sleep deprived, and he was still in band practice several nights a week. Then, I went back to work, while he started his pre-law school studies, tutor sessions and readings, while still working on music at night. Then, school started and “see ya later, daddio!” Now, it’s our first opportunity in 8.5 years to eat dinner together on a regular basis. To spend our weekends together. To live our lives as a family who sees each other. And, I. can. not. wait. 

I’ve been afraid in a sense, that something would once again rob us of “daddy time” but it’s looking like we’re gonna make it! In part, because I haven’t noticed anything wrong with our house, and if I learned anything last time, even if your walls are caving in, WAIT UNTIL AFTER BREAK TO CALL SOMEONE ABOUT IT!

I’m 100% the most proud wife on earth, because he’s accomplished so much and been a rock through the storm, but that’s not what this post is about. This is about a wife’s need for her husband and baby-daddy to be home for a bit. And, of course, the absolute excitement that comes with it.

Take-out has arrived (his favorite meal), whiskey is poured, a special gift is on the table, I’m off of work for a couple of days, and now I wait for the phone to ring. And wait. And wait…

 

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