To Be a Mom…

12 May

To be a mom means being exhausted and not minding it. It means going to bed early when you prefer to be up all night and to get up early when you really want to sleep in. To be a mom means sacrificing your plans for an agenda you can’t predict, spearheaded by someone who can’t yet communicate. It means finding the strength to smile, when you really want to cry. To be a mom means doing what’s right for your baby, even if it’s not what feels right for your “sanity”. It’s a loss of independence and a gain of endless adoration for another creature; a creature you would do anything for. To be a mom means never knowing if you’re “doing it right”, but finding the will to try anyway. It means putting everything on hold to make sure your child thrives. To be a mom means working when you don’t want to, so your child has everything he needs. It means dreaming for more than yourself and planning for someone’s else’s future instead of your own. It takes faith and strength and dedication.

To be a new mom means never having moment to yourself, having a messy house, being backlogged on laundry, ordering takeout instead of cooking, adding new wrinkles to an already tired face, never having clothes that fit right and breast that milk when they want to ruining the only fitting clothes you could find, having a sore back, feeling overwhelmed and insufficient, wondering if you’ll ever feel rested again, and yet, somehow you feel more beautiful, capable, needed, wanted, alert, strong, and ready to fight for the survival of your child, than ever.

Being a mom is a dichotomy between all that makes sense and all that’s unknown. It’s a truly incredible place to be. It’s a title that is greater than “award winning” and yet the awards are few. The reward however, is everything; the smile of your new baby, the joy that he brings your soul, not just for a moment, but endlessly.

I’ve been a mom for less than 3 months, and yet, I’m more committed to this life with my son than to anything of the last 37 years (besides my marriage). I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time and somehow, that’s ok. The amount of love I have for my little guy isn’t even describable. In the mornings, no matter how tired I am, I look down and see my smiling, cooing baby boy and know that no matter how hard the obstacle, no matter how steep the climb, I can do this. Even if I don’t know how, I know I’ll find a way.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, whether new or old. We’re all heroes. Your baby lives because the independent you died and was resurrected into a survivor, a fighter, a caretaker, a champion… a person we all call “mom.”

Happy Mother’s Day!!

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