Tag Archives: mom guilt

Monday Mom Confessions – The Dirty Truth

30 Mar

“It’s impossible to do everything right all the time.  Admitting that is freeing – and it’s also encouraging to other moms in the midst of intense seasons.”

~ Kristina Slaney

How many times have you heard the phrase “wash your hands” in your life?

Me too.

I wash my own hands all the time and almost every night after dinner, you know what I think?

“I didn’t wash my son’s hands before dinner!!”

Best part? He uses a fork when he wants to, but if he’s super hungry, he eats with his hands. Yes, the same hands the played on the floor, were at daycare all day, and the same hands that pet not one, but our two dogs… All those germs… Right into his mouth.

I’ve even splurged and purchased soap just for him (Kandoo’s foam soap) and I still forget sometimes!

To be fair to myself – and so you don’t call the cops on me – it’s not a nightly thing, just a few days a week. Cuz that makes it better right?

I am the worst mother of all time. 

DISCLAIMER: I started planning/writing this post a week ago and somehow, I’ve remembered to wash his hands every night before dinner since. #accountabilityworks 

What’s your mom confession? Post in the comments or link up from your blog! I’d love to share stories, cuz mama, the struggle is real.

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The Thanksgiving Miracle

27 Nov

IMG_9612.JPGEveryone knows that the one thing my super amazing 21 month old doesn’t do well, is sleep.

We’ve had nannies quit, give up, and cry because they couldn’t get him to nap. I’ve had the “I’m a terrible mom” guilt countless times, because I can’t get him to nap. We’ve sleep trained for months on end. It’s been a process.

The person who seems to get him to sleep the best, is my father in law, and well, he lives 300 miles away in Nevada, sooooo….

I nap with him.

I’ve always justified this because I only have a few days a week with him, when we’re both home at nap time, sometimes, only 1. Who doesn’t love a forced nap on the weekends?

Well, he has been napping at daycare for almost 6 months and I’ve doubted them every time they say “he napped great!” Of course they’re lying…. Or talking about someone else’s kid. Cuz on the weekends, when we do get to cuddle/nap, it’s rarely a “good” nap, but it’s our thing and hey, I’m down with naps.

Cut to this week.

I’ve been taking a class on Sunday afternoons that prohibits me from napping. As much as I’m learning in the class, I stress out about “someone’s” sleep the whole first half of it. I can’t be the one to put him down or he cries for “boobboobs” and “mamas shroom” or “hug you”, so I’ve finally figured out that if daddy does it, eventually it works out. For the first 5 weeks, Grant was able to stay home from school long enough to put him down, then leave, then a babysitter/friend/sister would show up to watch him, and I’d leave.

Last Sunday, Grant had to leave early because of finals/studying. After 30 minutes, I was finally able to get him down for a nap, then I left the house.

Yesterday I had a half -day at work, so because last Sunday was a fluke (had to have been, right?), I planned on cooking all of my items for Thanksgiving dinner while he was “napping great” at school, on Wednesday.

Tuesday night was a mess. I’m sure I can thank teething for our lack of sleep this week, because every once in a while, night time sleeping is bad, but this week, it was several nights in a row. When I dropped him off in the morning, a newer teacher received him from me. I told her that he’d been up all night (from 11:45pm-4:00am… I’m not exaggerating!! Terrible sleeper!!), and she said “well, he’s our best napper, so I’m sure he’ll make up for it then!”

What?!

She knows that REMY is my kid, right? Not one of the other kids? She’s talking about the boy I just handed to her, right?

According to her, “I just lay him down, put a blanket on him and he’s out like a light!”

Dear all the nannies and baby sitters of Remy naps past. THANK YOU!!! Your sweat and tears have paid off and my kid’s the best napper at school!!

Well, I continued on my way of making all my Thanksgiving Day fixings yesterday (just in case I had to join him on the nap wagon).

IMG_9585.JPGSomehow, I managed to get my son to sleep in as little as 10 minutes today. I’m still in shock.

It’s Thanksgiving Day and my work is done, my kitchen is clean, my food is made, I’ve showered (hooray!) and put makeup on (double hooray!) and will actually be ready to leave my house on time for my sister’s, provided that he wakes up on time.

Clearly, I’ve also had time to blog… How is this even real life?! This nap thing is genius!!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!! It’s a miracle!!!

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Fighting the Working Mom Blues

23 Sep
Of course, this picture is fuzzy because I didn't take it. Daycare took it and sent me my son's first real life encounter with his beloved "Turler".

Of course this picture is fuzzy, because I didn’t take it. Daycare took it and sent me my son’s first real life encounter with his beloved and most favorite animal, the “Turler”.

Some days are just blue. You think about what your kid is doing, while sitting at your desk miles away from them, then when you do see them, they have learned a new skill, or set of words, or trick, that you weren’t there to experience with them. Or, you get a fuzzy picture from the daycare’s owner, of his first time touching a turtle, and you weren’t there. BLUE, I tell ya. Just blue… or grey.

All of the “I’m being a good example to him by working to support our family” condolences are sweet, but some days, I just wish I could sit on the couch with him all day, with no outside responsibilities. Or, go to the park, or throw him in the stroller and go for a late morning walk (like all the moms I see on my route between daycare and the office), go to the beach when it’s not packed, go to a toddler gym class, music class or swim class at 11:00AM on a Tuesday (you get the idea), but that is just not the case. Four to five days a week, he’s in “school” from 9-5 while I work, giving us a mere 2-3 days a week to spend time together. That is a hard pill to swallow. I’m not one of those moms who just “can’t give up their career”, or “wouldn’t be happy being at home all day”… I work to keep our family fed.

I’m not delusional either. I don’t think that staying at home is easier, and somehow that makes spending time with my kid/at home more enticing. That’s exactly opposite of what I think. There’s nothing about mothering that’s easier than being in my office all day. When I’m at work, I’m able to drink what I want, eat what I want, sit down to lunch like a human and actually eat my food while carrying on an uninterrupted conversation, pee by myself… there are a lot of perks to having the ability to go to work, but not one of those perks can replace the joy of witnessing my son smile so big at something new he’s discovered, or attempt to say new words (we’re currently working on making sentences I can understand. Today he said “more jelly” and I about burst). And yet, it’s a necessity. A necessity that comes with enormous sacrifices, and sometimes, those sacrifices leave me blue.

I’ve often said the words “I hate that someone else is raising my child, while I’m at work” and continued down the big blue hole.

While researching some mom blogs about how to make dinner prep time easier when you get home late and still want to salvage those precious 2 hours between getting off of work and bedtime, I found the encouragement I needed to continue on as a working mom, reset my understanding of my position in life, and leave some of the blue behind me.

You see, until now, I’ve been a huge part of the perspective problem. I’ve convinced myself that I’m doing something wrong by being gone all day, and letting someone else “raise my baby”, but that’s just not true!

NO ONE ELSE IS RAISING MY KID FOR ME. I AM. 

Our daycare teachers are not raising Remy for us. Not even when we had an in-home nanny, was someone else “raising” my kid for me. My husband and I raise our child. Together. Everyone else is paid to care for him in our absence while we’re at work, but like hell is anyone else actually raising our son for us. Last I checked, it was me he nursed from (still, at 19 months old), me who wakes up with him every morning and holds him as he goes to sleep at night. It’s my husband and I who feed him and wake up with him in the middle of the night. It was my husband and my bodies that made him, and my body that carried him for 38 weeks. We are the ones planning and scheduling and loving and caring for and holding and everything… except for a few hours a day, when our bodies are further away, but our minds… our minds and hearts are never absent. We rely on our amazing daycare for daily help, but that’s it.

We are the ones who determine how he will be raised and the ones whose hands, arms, minds, and hearts do all the work to accomplish that.

So, here I am… I initially started this post as a sad post about missing my son all day, and though I still am sad about missing him, and not getting to spend the time with him that I wish I could, I’m NOT sad because I feel like someone else is “raising him”, and I am not.

Thank you Kerry and Kristina for your words of wisdom and understanding, while also helping to remove some of my massive mom guilt. Thank you for helping me understand that I’m the mom, and that the absence of being at work, doesn’t replace me or trump me as a parent. Thank you for going the road before me and for helping me through… Thank you for helping me see a positive and honest perspective on our situation. Thank you.

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