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Wedding Nightmares… Why Do They Happen?

2 Apr

I don’t think I ate anything spicy before bed last night, and I’m pretty sure I went to sleep happy as a bee, so I’m really not sure where this came from other than that I’ve heard it’s more common than you would like to think.

Wedding nightmares. I’m sure they’re deeply associated with wedding stresses (even subconscious stress), but I’ve had 4 now and this latest one was the worst!

Here is my latest.

On my wedding day, I realized I didn’t book a hair stylist, makeup artist or videographer and I’d bought not one, but TWO wedding dresses, so I could see what mood I would be in, but hadn’t picked either of them up from my house (in Arkansas) and hadn’t had either of them pressed. Once they magically appeared, they were wrinkly and one of them looked like a pants suit, with big hip puffs. I had decided to let my bridesmaid pick their own dresses and (because I never looked at them) they all looked like scoops of sorbet, met cinderella… and we know that would never happen. They were wearing fluffy quinceanera looking dresses, all in different colors, none of them matching, and all of them with more fine tool than you could find in a Joann Fabric store. My mom hadn’t found a dress, so she was wearing a leather parka. The worst part was that we were getting married in a hotel, and the windows of my “getting ready suite” were facing the ceremony location, where our guests were hours early and everyone could see me freaking out. Then, I got stuck in a elevator with Grant and didn’t know why he wouldn’t look at me… duh. It’s bad luck to see your bride on your wedding day. I also remember that I finally decided to do my own hair/makeup and accidentally grabbed some hair oil instead of hair spray and at 3:30, when the ceremony was supposed to start at 5, I realized that I never told Chaz (our photographer) where we were going to be, what time to be there or WHAT DATE we were getting married.

I woke up needing comfort…. and a stiff drink.

I know that wedding nightmares are supposed to be your internal way of dealing with all of the details and happenings of a wedding in advance, so you don’t actually have a meltdown on your wedding day, but man alive. That one was intense.

 

Vows.

27 Mar

Tonight was the first time I thought about the writing of vows. As I’m sitting here at my kitchen table, 1,600 miles away from home, with my dogs running around in circles about me, I’m overwhelmed by the love I have for my Grant and the responsibility the writing of one’s vows is weighted by. The traditional vows of marriage, I’ve heard what feels like a million times before, but never have they meant what they mean now. I, a very flawed human being, am getting ready to promise myself to another flawed human being, for the rest of my life. It’s a promise to love even when we’re not pretty, kind, healthy or happy as much as it’s a promise to to love at the most joyous moments anyone could ask for. It’s a commitment to put each other’s needs above our own, even when we don’t want to and to deny my right to think selfishly. Not only will I be vowing myself to him though, he’ll be promising me the same. He’ll take me, all of my bullshit and all of my moods, along with all of my smiles. That’s an overwhelming thought and yet, I’ve never been so excited by something so scary in my life. I’ve lived in the fear of rejection for so much of my life and with this person, there’s not only a lack of all fear, there’s the joy and comfort of knowing how right he is for me and that he picked me to love in this way. For the next 229 days, I’ll be contemplating the beauty of the vows we will make and will be counting down until the day I can say them out loud, solidifying my future as Grant’s wife.

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