To Be a Mom…

12 May

To be a mom means being exhausted and not minding it. It means going to bed early when you prefer to be up all night and to get up early when you really want to sleep in. To be a mom means sacrificing your plans for an agenda you can’t predict, spearheaded by someone who can’t yet communicate. It means finding the strength to smile, when you really want to cry. To be a mom means doing what’s right for your baby, even if it’s not what feels right for your “sanity”. It’s a loss of independence and a gain of endless adoration for another creature; a creature you would do anything for. To be a mom means never knowing if you’re “doing it right”, but finding the will to try anyway. It means putting everything on hold to make sure your child thrives. To be a mom means working when you don’t want to, so your child has everything he needs. It means dreaming for more than yourself and planning for someone’s else’s future instead of your own. It takes faith and strength and dedication.

To be a new mom means never having moment to yourself, having a messy house, being backlogged on laundry, ordering takeout instead of cooking, adding new wrinkles to an already tired face, never having clothes that fit right and breast that milk when they want to ruining the only fitting clothes you could find, having a sore back, feeling overwhelmed and insufficient, wondering if you’ll ever feel rested again, and yet, somehow you feel more beautiful, capable, needed, wanted, alert, strong, and ready to fight for the survival of your child, than ever.

Being a mom is a dichotomy between all that makes sense and all that’s unknown. It’s a truly incredible place to be. It’s a title that is greater than “award winning” and yet the awards are few. The reward however, is everything; the smile of your new baby, the joy that he brings your soul, not just for a moment, but endlessly.

I’ve been a mom for less than 3 months, and yet, I’m more committed to this life with my son than to anything of the last 37 years (besides my marriage). I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time and somehow, that’s ok. The amount of love I have for my little guy isn’t even describable. In the mornings, no matter how tired I am, I look down and see my smiling, cooing baby boy and know that no matter how hard the obstacle, no matter how steep the climb, I can do this. Even if I don’t know how, I know I’ll find a way.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there, whether new or old. We’re all heroes. Your baby lives because the independent you died and was resurrected into a survivor, a fighter, a caretaker, a champion… a person we all call “mom.”

Happy Mother’s Day!!

Our First Year

25 Nov

On November 11, Grant and I had our first wedding anniversary.

What. A. Year.

We were talking about it and realized that while it’s been an amazing year, we’ve had some real challenges that have led us to a closer, more intimate, relationship, however challenging us every step of the way. It’s also part of the reason it’s been a while for my posts to go up. All the things I thought I would want to share, just got lost in the abyss of busyness, stress, excitement and change.

Here’s a brief recap of our lives since 11-11-11:

  1. 11/11/11 – The wedding of a lifetime!
  2. December 2011 – We moved Grant out of his “bachelor pad” in West Hollywood and partially into a storage unit, remainder out to Arkansas where  Steph was still working/living. (move #1)
  3. January 2012 – We found out we were expecting our first baby! (baby #1)
  4. February 2012 – We miscarried said baby (Grant in California, Steph in Arkansas)
  5. March 2012 – After realizing that marriage was so much better lived together than apart, and after enduring the miscarriage thousands of miles away from each other, Steph got a job back in California and we headed home with all of our stuff (move #2; job #1). We moved into Grant’s “bachelor pad” where he lived while Steph was away, but this time, there were 4 of us; Grant, Steph, Stella and Pino – all confined to one room in a beautiful duplex… with 2 roommates.
  6. June 2012 – Steph accepted an offer with another company (more stability, less drama), and headed over to work on the Honda Powersports account for Dailey Advertising (job #2)
  7. June 28, 2012 – While Grant was on the phone booking the tour of his life with Daughtry (15 dates over the summer), Steph was peeing on a stick, just to find out that we were pregnant again (baby #2)! All of this happened ON Steph’s birthday… what a great present for the both of us.
  8. July 2012 – Let the morning sickness (lasting from 11AM – bedtime) begin! Grant left for tour for 5 weeks.
  9. August 2012 – We safely ended our first trimester of pregnancy and Grant came home from tour.
  10. September 2012 – We found out that we were having a BOY! This is after Steph fell down the stairs at our apartment, severely spraining an ankle, and rushing to the Dr.’s to make sure the baby was ok. The next few weeks were a challenge as Grant had all the responsibility of the pups, and Steph to take care of, while entering into a new chapter of his life. We also decided that it was time to move out of our bachelor pad, into our own home, where we could deepen our roots, expand our “territory”, close out our storage units, and get ready for our munchkin, due on March 8.
  11. October 2012 – Grant (the smartest person in the world) entered into a course to prepare him for the LSAT test on December 1, 2012. Simultaneously, we moved into our own place, in the same old neighborhood we loved so very much, 5 minutes from Steph’s work, 15 from Grant’s and in the heart of Los Angeles (move #3).

That brings us to today; 3 moves, 3 jobs, 2 pregnancies, 1 big tour, and a whole year of marriage under our belts. There’s so much more I could say about each “thing” that we’ve gone through in the last year, but ultimately, we’re happy, healthy, and home. :)

I couldn’t be prouder to be the Mrs. Arnow to my Grant. He’s been a rock of stability through our unstable year, and has proven time and time again that he loves me more than anything, is committed to our marriage, and is going to be a great daddy.

“Domino” by BetaWolf (WATCH)

12 Oct

This summer, Beta Wolf went on the road with Daughtry. They spent about 5 weeks making music, friends and memories. While I was home struggling through our 1st trimester “woes” this is what my Grant was doing… and I couldn’t be more proud of him!

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Ballet, Like Life, is HARD!

18 Sep

This video is precious and reminds me that some of us just have to work a little harder than others and making sense of something that can seem so simple to someone else. It doesn’t mean that we’re stupid, or less than, or anything other than perfect in our own way, it just takes more practice and dedication to get those heels to touch.

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2012 Is Keeping Me On My Toes

12 Jun

When I first started the interview process to get back to California from Arkansas, I met with a lot of different companies. 10, actually. Of them, I was offered 2 jobs; 1 in Austin, TX and 1 in Hollywood, CA. I took the job in Hollywood and came back home after 17 months of being away from my husband, family, and friends.

Just about 2 months into my new relationship with the new job, I started to see a few things in the company that concerned me. About a week later, one of the companies I liked best, called me with a new opportunity. Now, I’ve never been the kind to “jump ship” prematurely, or at all, but this time around, I did.

For some reason, one I couldn’t really explain, it just made sense.

The day after I put my notice in, the SVP of our department was let go, and within the next few days, several more were laid off as well for financial reasons. My job was safe, but regardless, it gave me confidence to know that I had made the right decision to pursue the other opportunity. Grant and I went with our gut, and it turns out that our gut was right.

As hard as it was to leave the friends that I made at Cimarron (and quite possibly the best boss I’ve ever had), I had to make a decision for the long term and I’m now working for Dailey on the Honda Powersports account, as a Digital Producer… per usual.

It just goes to show you that you may never know how or why things happen, but you should always be open to letting life give you little gifts here and there. I came home for one thing, but was handed another, and so the story goes…

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